


You're a Useless Child

by MonochromeMog



Series: Vocaloid Songs Inspired Fanfics [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abused Sam, Abusive John, Caring Gabriel, Caring Lucifer, Child Abuse, Hurt Sam, Insecure Sam, It's my first time writing Lucifer, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Multi, Probably A LOT of OOCness, Threesome - M/M/M, Unrelated Winchesters, Vocaloid Inspired, inspired by a song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 13:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,338
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6521032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonochromeMog/pseuds/MonochromeMog
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You're a useless, useless, useless child. Say it." </p>
<p>"I'm a useless, useless, useless child." </p>
<p>*warnings inside.*</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're a Useless Child

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: Child Abuse. 
> 
> Another Vocaloid inspired song. But, really, how can I not with a title like that? Especially since it fits Sam's situation in season 1 he had with his dad perfectly. 
> 
> Sorry if Lucifer is super OOC, it's my first time writing him and I found it really difficult. 
> 
> Feedback is appreciated! Enjoy!

You're A Useless Child 

 

"You're a useless, useless, useless child. A sad, sad good for nothing." 

John's words cut through Sam like a katana. The words filled with hatred, wrath and disgust. Sam tries so hard to block it out, tries to tell himself that John has some sort of disease or amnesia or something, that he doesn't really mean it, but John's tone and choice of words deny all those thoughts. This is the real John, no disease is involved, no manipulation, just pure John Winchester. 

"Repeat it, Sam. Now." 

Sam takes a deep breath, his shoulders shaking as he tries to steady his words. He didn't want to appear weak in front of John, the man already hates him enough. The shivers wrack his body, but John just simply glares at him with intense, soulless eyes, his demeanour never wavering. 

"I'm a useless, useless, useless child. A sad, sad good for nothing..." 

He manages to get the words out, his voice quiet. John seems satisfied however, and simply pats the 16 year old's head, mussing up his floppy brown hair. Sam flinches at the contact. 

"Good boy. Remember Sam, without me, you'd be dead. Why don't you say how grateful you are, Sammy?" 

Tears well up in Sam's hazel eyes, but he nods. He hates it when John is gentle with him, it doesn't feel right, especially after he just spat those words at him. 

"Thank you, dad. I would be dead if it weren't for you." 

John leaves him alone for the rest of the night. 

Sam has another restless night. 

 

Today is a new day. Sam is at school with his best friends, Dean Smith, Gabriel, Castiel and Lucifer Novak. The three sat at the bleachers outside near the school's football pitch, watching the guys practice and the cheerleaders well, cheer.

"Hey, Sammy, you okay? You seem a little pale. You been getting enough sleep?" Dean's rough voice alerts Sam, who has been just leaning back with his eyes closed peacefully. Sam opens his eyes and looks at him with a raised brow. He nods his head. "Yeah, I'm good... Just... Tired. That's all." He replies, shrugging. "How many hours do you sleep, Sam?" Castiel asks, electric blue eyes showing concern. "I don't know. 2 hours maybe? Studying takes a lot out of me." Sam shrugs again, eyes closing once again. 

Gabriel and Lucifer share a glance of disbelief. 

It wasn't the real reason, but they didn't want to pry, if Sam was comfortable telling them the real reason he would, but if he wants to keep his mouth shut, there's probably a good reason for it. That just makes it all the more worrying though. What if it was serious? Life threatening? Gabriel and Lucifer wouldn't know. 

"2 hours isn't enough, Sammy." Dean sighed. "We know you're big on studying and all that crap, but 2 hours? That's ridiculous man." 

"Dean is right for once, Sammy." Gabriel spoke, leaning on his older brother lazily. "If you're too tired for exams, how are you gonna stay focused?" 

Sam felt envy claw at him from the inside as he saw Gabriel's and Lucifer's touches. 'Oh, God... Why am I jealous?' Sam thought, a light blush dusting his pale cheeks. He knew exactly why; he has a crush on Lucifer AND Gabriel. The crush developed when Sam was 14. They helped out with some bullies and at that moment, Sam saw those two as his saviours. They were like Knights in shining armour to him. 

'What a cheesy thing to think... Besides... They won't like a useless, useless, useless child like me...'

Sam's dark thoughts seem to reflect on his face and there's a gentle hand on his shoulder, making him jump in surprise. His eyes lock on Gabriel's champagne eyes, he quickly averts his gaze though. 

'I'm a useless, useless, useless child. A dirty, monster, abomination child.'

"Sammich? You alright? You zoned out for a minute." 

"Yeah. I'm fine. Just... Tired." 

"Hey, Sam," Lucifer's voice entered the conversation. Sam looks at him, "do you want to stay the night at our place? It's Friday and you could take a break from studying." 

Sam paused. What would John say? He could leave without him noticing. But... After that? Sam isn't sure he'll be able to stay strong enough... 

But, a chance to spend the night at the Novaks with Lucifer and Gabriel? How could Sam say no? He can't, heck, maybe he'll actually confess his feelings for them... 

Ha, no he won't. Not in a million years. 

'Because I'm a worthless, worthless, worthless child.' 

"Sure. I'd love to." 

"If you lover birds want the house to yourselves, Cas can come to my house."

"Anna will probably spend her night with Ruby and Micheal with Adam. You three should have the entire house to yourselves." 

Sam's blush came back with a vengeance, the redness reaching his ears. In a house alone with Lucifer and Gabriel? It seemed way too good to be true. 

But, the most important thing of all, he'll be away from John and he'll get a peaceful night sleep. The first one in ages... 

Relief floods through his system. 

 

Sam cools down on his bed, face first. He feels like he's floating. He can't wait to go to Gabriel's and Lucifer's house and just spend the night goofing around with them. He could feel some happiness, he could feel loved... He wouldn't feel like... 

A useless, useless, useless child...

"SAM! Come here now!" 

John's voice bounces off the walls of the small apartment and Sam sighed, mentally prepared himself before standing and moving over to ten door but, before he could open it, it swung upon and Sam had to jump back so it didn't hit him square in the face. 

John was standing there, brows furrowed and eyes stern.

"Where do you think you're going, boy?" 

Sam blinked, then kicked himself for his mistake. 

He left his duffle bag near the front door. 

Sam packed his duffle as soon as he was home, excitement clouding his judgement and he left the duffle by the door so he didn't forget it when Lucifer and Gabriel picked him up. He forgot that John was going to be home that day, all the school work and the anticipation of staying at the Novak's home just blocked everything else out. 

Now, he was regretting it immensely. 

"I-I..." He cursed slightly for stuttering. "I'm staying at a friends house tonight..." 

John grasped his shirt collar. 

"Are you now?" He slammed Sam against a wall. "A worthless, worthless, worthless child like you have friends?" John chuckled. "A dirty, destitute, dense child like you?" His features hardened. "You can't leave, Sam." John throws Sam across the room and the side of his head hits the corner of his desk. 

John stomps over and a hand is on his neck again, lifting him up and throwing him across the room again. His back hits the wall and the air is knocked out of his lungs. "You're a worthless, worthless, worthless child." John spits the words as he comes nearer to Sam. 

"Dad... Please... Don't-" 

"Did I say you could talk?" 

Sam is lifted and is brought over to his desk. Tears trickle down his cheeks, a sob escapes his mouth followed by a whimper. Sam struggled, but stopped when John gripped his wrist and snapped it. A scream tore from his mouth and his tears come down heavier. 

"Stop... Stop. Stop. Stop." 

"You're a useless, useless, useless, child. You don't get a say in what happens to you. You can't do anything. You're a idiot. You deserve to die." 

"No!" 

Sam's scream was cut off as his head was slammed into the solid desk, making him see stars for a moment. John flipped him onto his back, his big hand wrapped around his neck, his other fist punching him everywhere he could reach. 

Sam didn't even scream or try to squirm away, he just laid there, boneless. His eyes were dark and tears were spilling out of them. 

"I love the tears that come from your eyes... You're so useless... But you're tears are so beautiful." 

Sam shivered at his father's words; he sounded much more like a creepy pervert now. His body was sore, he was pretty sure bruises littered his body and blood dampened his clothes... 

He saw his own blood on his desk. 

John choked him a few times, but never strangled him fully to kill him. 

Was John going to kill him? 

He wasn't sure... 

He wanted to be with Lucifer and Gabriel, he wanted to be enveloped in their loving, warm embrace, he wanted to sit on the sofa with them and watch Disney movies, he wanted to fall into a tranquil slumber with Gabriel and Lucifer pressed against his sides...

Those thoughts are where he escaped to while John continued beating on him, only when John snapped his name did he break free from his reverie. "You're a worthless, worthless, worthless child. A dirty, tainted, worthless, useless, monstrosity child. Say it, Sam. Say it now." 

"I-I'm a worthless, worthless... Worthless child... I'm a tainted, dirty, worthless, useless, monstrosity child..." 

"No one can save you now, can they, Sam?"

"N-no... No one can... Save me..." 

SLAM.

"SAM!"

Two voices alerted John and he turned to stare at them. Lucifer and Gabriel stood in the doorway, faces showing nothing but pure anger. "Get away from him now!" Lucifer shouted, running over and ripping John away from Sam. His anger shown through when he threw John to the ground. 

Gabriel ran over to a motionless Sam, panic setting in when Sam didn't move. The young boy was a mess, he was covered in crimson red blood and his body was bruised badly, his eyes were open and his cheeks had tear tracks on them. "Luci! Leave the douche for a sec and call an ambulance!" 

Lucifer, who was kicking the hell outta John, turned to look at Gabriel and nodded. 

Gabriel turned to look back at Sam, his hand looking for his pulse. He feels relieved when he feels a pulse, it's weak but fast, it's there though... So Sam's alive... 

"Sam? Can you hear me? Come on, talk to me." 

Sam groans, but he looks at Gabriel with terrified, tired eyes. "Gabriel...?" 

"Yeah, yeah, it's me. Luci is calling a hospital. You'll be fine." 

"I'm... A useless, useless, useless child..." Sam muttered, eyes drooping as the pain became too much. "A... Lonely, lonely, lonely kid... A... Lonely kid that can't be... Saved..." 

"Sam, don't say that. You're not useless. Repeat after me. You're not a useless, useless, useless child."

"I'm... Not... A useless, useless, useless child..." 

"That's right, Sammy. Now, can you keep your eyes open for me?"

Sam shook his head, he felt way too tired. "I... I don't think I can... I-I feel tired..." 

"I know, I know baby. But you have to stay awake until the ambulance comes. Can you do that?"

Lucifer spoke as he drops to his knees beside Sam and Gabriel, taking a hold of Sam's limp hand. "N... No..." 

"It's okay... Tell us about anything, Sam. Please. Anything to keep you awake." 

"Dad's... Right... I-I'm a worthless... Child... A child that... Would be dead if... If..." 

"Shh, shh... Tell us anything, but not that..." 

Sam is silent for a short moment, but he nods. "I... Love you both..." He mumbles, head lolling to the side. The two blonde haired boys are silent for a moment and Sam's heart breaks in two. He hides his face and drops his gaze, but then he feels lips on his forehead and lips on his cheek. 

"We love you too, Sammich." 

"Maybe a little bit too much..." 

"You can't love anyone too much, Luci." 

Sam didn't know what to feel, but he felt happy at least. But, he's so, so tired. He needs to sleep... His eyes close, even when Gabriel and Lucifer shout his name and jostle him a little he refuses to open his eyes. 

Everything just came crashing down at once and Sam can't find the will to continue on. 

 

"Sammich. Come on..." 

"Sammy, open your eyes..." 

Sam stirs. He was on something soft and he was warm. He heard the rumbling of a machine and felt something in his arm. 

That woke him up immediately. 

He jolted and writhed on the bed, his hands moving up to claw at the oxygen mask attached to his face. His eyes catches something green on his wrist. A cast maybe? 

A hand holds his wrist and he stills, looking up at the eyes staring back at him. 

"Calm down... It's just a mask to help you breathe... You're dad... He... He choked you, didn't he?" 

Gabriel's voice was full of depression and sadness and Sam felt guilt churning in his stomach for making Gabriel felt depressed. Lucifer was beside Gabriel, his hand on Sam's leg and rubbing small circles. "Gabriel, call a nurse, to remove the mask." Lucifer ordered him, smiling softly at Sam. Gabriel did as ordered, pressing the button beside Sam's bed. 

"You gave us quite a scare, Sammy... Y'know, you didn't wake up for a week..." Lucifer washed a hand down his face and he looked ready to burst into tears. 

More guilt made Sam's stomach churn again. 

A doctor entered the room at that moment with a nurse at her side. "Ah, Samuel, you're awake." The doctor smiles and Sam makes a futile attempt to smile back. The doctor steps forward, and removes the mask slowly. "Here... Just breathe..." The doctor soothes and when the mask is fully removed, Sam's hand that wasn't covered in a cast flew up to his mouth, making sure he was still alive. That he was still breathing, that this wasn't a dream.. 

It was real... It was all real. 

"Where's... Where's my dad...?" 

His voice is quiet, more quiet than he remembers. But, his throat is so sore... He doesn't even want to talk, but the question escaped. 

"John Wesson is... A suspect that the police are questioning. They haven't jailed him yet because they need a statement from you." The doctor explained, shooting him a sympathetic look, her gaze turned to the two Novak's in the room. "I'll leave you three alone. Just buzz for me if you need me." 

When the doctor left, Sam broke down. 

"I'm sorry, sorry, so sorry, sorry—" 

"Whoa, whoa, calm down there, Sammy." 

Gabriel laid a gentle hand upon Sam's shoulder, a concerned look that had confusion tainted in it donning his features. 

"What's wrong, Sam?" Lucifer asks, brows creased in concern that mirrored Gabriel's look. "John is in custody at the moment. You're safe from him." 

"I'm sorry... I said... I love you guys... I'm sick and twisted and a monstrosity and a wreck and—" 

"Shh, shh, Sam, please don't say those things about yourself." Gabriel placed a soft kiss against the crown of his head. Sam blinked up at him in shock. 

'Did Gabe just-? Did he-? He kissed me!' 

Sure, it wasn't on the lips but, Sam could feel the adoration coming from the simple kiss. Yeah, he wished it was on his lips, but he will take what he can get. 

"Don't you remember anything before you passed out, Sam?" Lucifer's hand hadn't stopped drawing small circles on Sam's leg. Sam hesitated. Did he remember anything? 

He remembers being in Gabriel's arms, he felt like he was dying and he thought he was going to, he struggled to stay awake even after Gabriel told him to stay awake... 

He vaguely remembers that he said he loved Lucifer and Gabriel... 

Everything else was fuzzy. 

Sam shook his head to Lucifer's question. "N-no... I sorta remember saying I love you... But everything else is fuzzy..." He explained, hazel eyes casted down. He blinked when he felt a hand taking a hold of his jaw carefully and lips were pressed to his. His eyes widened when he realised what was happening. 

Lucifer was kissing him. Lucifer was— oh God, he was getting kissed by Lucifer. 

The kiss was short and sweet, but to Sam, it felt longer and passionate. If he's telling the truth, he's actually never kissed someone before. He had no idea it felt like this. So, nice and gentle and just perfect. 

"We said we love you too, Sam."

Lucifer informed him, smiling at Sam's surprised look. 

"Yeah. Right before you passed out, Samshine." Gabriel winked at Sam, grinning at Sam's dimpled smile.

"I was... Scared you'd reject me... Think I was sick..." 

"We'd never do that to you, Sam." 

"We'd let Dean beat us up if we did." 

"Speaking of, where is Dean and Cas?" 

"Down at the police station. They're hoping to get John sentenced to jail for child abuse and attempted murder. They're giving their statements. We've already given ours." 

"Why do they have to give statements?" 

"Well, while Luci and I were the ones to get John off of you, Dean and Cas heard the screams come from your apartment and called us." 

Sam nods. That made sense. 

"But, why is dad getting sentenced to jail?" 

Sam's question clearly threw Gabriel and Lucifer off guard. They shared a glance, then Lucifer spoke. 

"Sam, that man abused you for a while now and tried to murder you. He needs to be punished."

"But, he was only giving me what I deserve... I'm a useless—"

"No, Sam, you're not. That man filled your head with all that crap, you're not a useless child, you hear me?" 

"Gabriel is right. You're a selfless, caring, kind, gorgeous, useful, worthy, pure child."

Sam stared at him in uncertainty, but at the moment, he felt inclined to believe them... 

Even if it was for a little while... 

 

Two months later, John was sentenced to jail time for child abuse and attempted murder. The hardest part was over for Sam, but he was assigned to go to therapy. He told the therapist everything. The verbal abuse, the sleepless nights, the first time John hit him, how John would make him repeat the words 'useless' over and over again. Lucifer and Gabriel never left his side during the whole ordeal, their hands never left his and their eyes never wavered. 

Lucifer and Gabriel let Sam move in with them. Sam was still a kid and he didn't have a job, so he couldn't pay for his rent. Plus, Lucifer and Gabriel would prefer to sleep with Sam in their arms the whole night. They repeated 'I love you,' to Sam every night before they slept, every morning they woke up, before every meal and before every class. Sam would always smile with a blush covering his cheeks, but he would reply, 'I love you too,' then he would kiss each blonde haired boy on the cheek. 

Sure, there will be bumps in the road. The road to recovery isn't easy, Sam would still always feel insecure, he would feel like a useless child, he would still ask permission to eat at times, but as long as he had Lucifer and Gabriel at his side, he figured he can get through it. Lucifer and Gabriel would always tell him how worthy he is, how pure his soul is, how they won't let anyone hurt him ever again. Sam would feel better after hours of feeling miserable. 

Sometimes, they would even make him repeat the words. They wouldn't threaten him however, they would coax him into saying them with words of encouragement and eyes filled with sincerity. Sam would always end up repeating the words in the end. 

"Sam, can you repeat the words please?" 

"I'm not a useless child. I'm a worthy, worthy, worthy child. A pure, clean, intelligent child." 

"Thank you, Sammy." 

Sam wasn't sure why they said thank you every time he said the words, but when they kissed him and held him close while carding a hand through his hair, he really didn't mind.


End file.
